7.13.11

Is it abnormal that when life is going well I wonder when something bad is going to happen? Why am I conditioned to wait for things to fall apart, to fall from the peak of the mountain to the depths of the valley and to constantly be struggling through life? I'm all about being real, so this is me saying that the last several weeks have been such a series of ups and downs for me. I have made so so much progress in my life, I have been given SO much from my Father that has grown me up as an individual, but it seems that the more I receive the more opportunity I have to fall.

I was talking to a dear friend that God has been so good to place in my life since I've moved out here... She and I were asking that question- WHY is it so often so hard to make right choices. The idea that maybe we weren't committed to following God came up, and I definitely think that is a valid point, but tonight I have a different thought.

The laws of science tell us that with every action there is an equal and opposite reaction right?? I'm no expert on this, so just bear with me . . . But I wonder if that is the same thing in the spirit world. But it seems that each time I allow the Spirit to shine the light of Truth into the cobweb covered corners of my heart and see God's Love changing me I almost instantly find a way to trip and fall in my walk. It's like my soul has a string tied to each side and there is a tug-of-war going on between the kingdoms for me each day.

I don't know how to explain this!!! But I've already started, so I'll just tell a little of what has gone on with me in the past few weeks.

I Just a few weeks ago I told God I was saying YES to all that He had for me, and I meant it. I somehow ended up on a stage dancing in front of more than 100 people for my churchs' VBX. It was definitely one of the most uncomfortable, downright humiliating things I've ever done. I absolutely have no ability to dance, have no rhythm and honestly NO MOVES. But, somehow I found that I wanted to participate in that time with those children because I saw their precious souls as more valuable than my embarrassment or hurt pride.

Anyway, that was a big BIG step for me. Seems silly, but being out of my comfort zone like that was an experience I needed to have. I trusted God and the rewards of saying YES to him blew me away. But then, it was like instantly that weekend I was presented with many opportunities to make poor decisions. And I'd love to say I was like, NO, I won't go there or do that . . . But I sure didn't . . .

And then days later I was ironing my work clothes and was just telling a friend a friend how frustrated I was that I didn't have the money to go to school this fall. . . I said "I wish I had wealthy parents" and then it was like God was right there in the room with me saying "Your Heavenly Father is very wealthy, Emma. Your inheritance is great. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills" I ended up on my knees right there, crying and asking God, "does this mean you have the money for my education ready to give to me?!" Oh my goodness, that moment was SO GOOD. I felt so LOVED and so SURE that He was going to take care of me.

But then, what do you know. . . Almost that same day, I found myself in yet another situation where I was faced with temptation and yet another time where I failed.

WHAT IS THIS?!?! What is this up and down and back and forth?! What is this about?! I have literally been so ashamed, and so frustrated with myself for days. But tonight I was reminded of something so powerful that it took my breath away for a minute.

Early in Jesus' ministry here on earth he received the most beautiful affirmation from His Father. That moment when he came out of the water of baptism and the heaven opened and God said, "This is my Beloved Son, and I am pleased with Him". It doesn't get any better than that, I believe. I think that is the highest high you can possibly be at, having the Creator of the Universe making a public service announcement that you are His Child and He is proud of you!! So yeah, this happens, but then almost right away we see Jesus out in the desert.

Yes, I realize I focus on the desert alot, and that's partly because I'm living in the desert right now and it is really relevant to me, but also because of what the desert represents so many times in the Bible. It seems to be a time of testing, of trying and of character building. Only the strong and the faithful make it out of the desert and into the Promised Land. But okay, Jesus is out in the desert for 40 days without anything to eat. 40 days, no food or water, out in that Middle East desert! That is absolute insanity!

As Jesus comes out of those 40 days of fasting, which were most definitely a trial in themselves, He is faced with even more opposition. The devil himself confronts Jesus out there and He begins to try to tempt and entice Jesus to make a wrong choice. I think the thing about this that really registered in my mind was that he obviously picked food to tempt Jesus. He thought to himself, Jesus is definitely starving right now, He is only human, lets try and see if we can get Him to turn these stones into bread. . . Obviously Jesus rebuked him, and after two more tests the devil was forced to flee. . .

Its just so OBVIOUS. The devil isn't an idiot. He comes to us and steals our victory, not by approaching our strengths and challenging them, but by exploiting our weaknesses. He didn't come at that Jesus that day telling Him that God didn't hear His prayers- Jesus had just spent 40 days fasting and praying, His prayer life was great- He wouldn't have been fooled for a minute. Instead he went to the obvious need, hunger. Now I'm not open enough to put my fatal flaws out there but I will say that I see EVERY SINGLE TIME they are used to trip me up.

Where am I going with all of this??? I'm not sure, but I guess I'm realizing that what my Mom says is so true that the stronger the call is on your life, the greater the oposition you will feel against you in trying to reach your destiny. What she means by that is what I mean by the struggle for your soul. As good as our God is, the enemy is evil. As brilliant and beautiful as God's plan is for your life, the enemy of your soul has plans to ensnare you and enslave you and keep you captive.

Something that I read on twitter that I can't get off my mind. . .
@JoellyJ -Greater levels, greater devils. Yeah, but greater angels, too. 2/3 greater, to be exact. "More are for you than against you." Literally!

What he was saying makes so so much sense! When the enemy already is losing, his army is 1/3 the size of God's so I can know that when I feel my heart being pulled in different directions that IF I ALLOW IT the right can easily pull through for me every single time.

1 Corinithians 10:13 says,
No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

Those words are SO good and SO true. This is that moment where I lost my breath.
God didn't design this walk with Him to feel like a roller coaster, where I am getting thrown around from high to low wondering what the hell is happening in my life. He has this set up to be a series of wins for us, over and over. He has the deck stacked in MY FAVOR. He is giving me the tools to WIN over and over.

A verse my Mom had me memorize many years ago is on my heart right now -
Ephesians 2:4-6
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus

So incredible. In this new life that I have I am not actually being called to get thrown around from revelation to temptation constantly. He says that we are given our own place, far above those things. We are seated WITH HIM. We totally have throne status. That is so sick! Would Jesus ever get off the throne and go out and get trashed, smoke some weed, hook up with some chicks?! I'm cracking up right now. No! So ridiculous. When you are redeemed you are redeemed. You have all of the power of God on your side, and those momentary thrills the enemy has to tempt you with are a joke. You're a joint-heir with the Son of God for crying out loud!

Ah!! So much to think about. But yes- in the end- it comes down to my choice. But seeing this behind the scenes sort of look at what is going on when I am tempted, and that really one word of truth makes all of the powers of darkness flee absolutely brings me to my knees.

How GOOD is my God?!