everyday is beautiful

5.11.12

just some glimpses into my day

it's amazing how many

beautiful things are around us 

if we only open our eyes 

<3 

5.6.12 [memories of happiness]

This is the time of evening I find this extreme satisfaction come over me. Sitting on my “vintage” couch in my tiny little apartment, in my own little piece of the world… Listening to Mary J. Blige radio on Pandora… dishes washed… the smell of dinner still in the air… I’m noticing that my entire house is my closet and laundry basket all in one… how does a bra end up on the kitchen table?! Random lists scattered with mail all over my rug, books under my couch cushions… I read a quote recently that said:

“Creative minds are rarely tidy”

and I just accepted it as truth and stopped freaking out as much about my inability to keep up with myself…

I have been lost in memories lately.

But not the ones filled with regret. Not the heavy ones that I’ve laid to rest.

Just the beautiful ones…

Memories of …

Rollerblading hockey games in the neighborhood

Of football in bicycle helmets

Of chapter books read by flashlight in the middle of the night

Uncoordinated plays and lost basketball games, all for my Dad

Reading Southern Living and the Journal obituaries out loud for Nana

Of family produced Christmas plays, I stared as sheep, innkeeper, wise man shepherd

Hours spent with my composition notebooks and my Bible

Missionary biographies, the heroes of my Childhood: Amy Carmichael, Hudson Taylor and Gladys Aylward

Long piano lessons, metronome days and my own worship time… me and the keys…

Unbraiding hair for hours, tucked into the clouds of the Blue Mountains of Jamaica

Feeling the presence of a Living God at the Garden Tomb in Jerusalem

Opening my soul’s secrets that night in Budapest, Hungary to a room full of compassionate women

Hours of walking and talking with my sister in the Yuma heat, finally feeling understood

Waiting and waiting in a hotel in D.C. for my brother to compete in Nashville Star

That shocking moment in Art class to hear my brother’s name called immediately after mine on the roll

Walking out of work to see my little brother’s truck waiting to take me to my dorm

Following my Dad around Glasgow, WV listening to the narrated tour of his childhood

Being held on midnight having Happy Birthday sang into my ear as we danced around your kitchen

Pie baking lessons with my Mother

Measurements and sewing with my grandma, most original (and conservative) prom dress

Hours of walking in the hot sun, carrying gospel tracts, encountering complete strangers

Elation as I was crowned homecoming queen

Hot bran muffins and cream of wheat with brown sugar before school

Museum visits rather than vacations… Coal mine tour, Blennerhasset Island, Monticello, Mt. Vernon, Smithsonian, Liberty Bell, Betsy Ross, Gettysburg. . .

Countless hours in the Library, book charts and “book-it” pizzas

Waking to see you fell asleep with ESPN on, again

Being careful not to scrape my spoon on my yogurt cup… Oh Leah, how I love you, my sister and my soul mate

Witnessing the best friend I’ve ever had accept Christ into her heart

Holding my Nana’s hand that night while my brother sang Amazing Grace while she slipped into eternity

Tuesday night free dinners cooked by true Saints in God’s Kingdom

Late night conversations with the residents of Gardiner, those students changed my life

Coffee dates and dog walks with Annette

Intervention nights with my best girls, so many tears, so much love

Seeing my sister, brother-in-law and niece waiting to meet me at the Airport in San Diego

I can’t keep writing. I could but I’m crying more than I’d like to admit.

I’m so blessed. I have experienced such beauty.

I have lived in a way that would seem like my life has been filled with pain and I realize that the painful times don’t outweigh the rest…

I’ve wondered for weeks why it is that I’ve been clinging to the quiet, spending time alone, lost in my thoughts…

But I think this is why – I needed to somehow sort it out, sift thru the memories, relive the good and the bad and decide that from now on the history of my life is defined by the high moments, and not the low ones. The scars that the tragedies have left only add character, and my life is one of color, not of darkness. The beautiful thing about freewill is that in a way, we hold the pen to the blank pages of our books, we get to keep writing, even after we totally ruined the last chapter.

So I’ll keep writing. I’ll keep living. I’ll keep believing in goodness. I’ll keep believing in justice, in equality, in hope for humanity. I’ll keep standing for the things I’ve believed since I was young, I’ll keep dreaming the dreams I once dreamt.

I’ll keep believing in the one who called my heart, yes, Jesus.

His presence comforts me and delivers me, strengthens me and reminds me that I am Beautiful.

<3 Emma