I’m not a person prone to trust issues… I am a giver of
second chances, and a believer in goodness. Lately in my life I have felt
cynicism all over my life. You know… Always doubting people’s word,
assuming the worst of others, just feeling like everything and everyone is in a
giant conspiracy against me.
In this lovely three weeks of unemployment I’ve felt a range
of things from panic to peace, expectation to disappointment, fear to
indifference… My prayers have been a mix
of “God I trust You, I believe You have only good things for me…” along with
some of the “What the heck God, where is my damn job?!” Then today I stopped
procrastinating the event of actually looking at my bank account and seeing
where I am financially. I did the math of what I have, what’s due when and
determined that I will run out of money exactly on May 12th. Literal
full-blown panic ensued.
I think in that moment of fear, Jesus looked down and
stepped into the gap that was my unbelief…
I can look at the circumstances all day, I can drown in fear
and anxiety and uncertainty. I can sit around feeling deserted and lost. I can
struggle with depression and abandonment…
Or I can look at the facts.
“Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you”
Hebrews 13:5
Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’
or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?' ... your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
Matthew 6:31-32
And my God will supply all of my needs, according to His riches
in glory, in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19
Those three verses came tumbling into my heart, one after the
other. . . I don’t know how to describe it. . . It’s like God is correcting me,
but also loving me and promising to me that He is faithful, all in one. This is
the mystery that is our God. He is goodness, but He is justice. He is the giver
of freewill, but the supplier of our lives. He is Holy, but he is Grace. He is
Everything. More than we can ask or think, more than our minds can imagine,
more than our hearts can hold. The fact is that in His storehouses are riches
beyond belief.
My father is the King of Nations, His wealth is untold, His
riches are beyond measure and when Jesus sacrificed His life to redeem me, I became
a joint heir with Christ. Do you understand what that means? It means that when
we are redeemed we are able to come before God for anything, to pray with
expectation!
He took the loaves and fishes packed into a child’s lunch and
fed a multitude! He delivered a lamb into the wilderness at the time of
Abraham’s great need! He didn’t allow the widow’s oil and flour to run dry
during the Famine in Israel. He produced the disciples tax money out of the
mouth of a fish! He told us that even the hairs on our heads are numbered!
A song that Pandora “randomly” selects like 10 times a day
(seriously) is What Do I Know of Holy by Addison Road –
What do I know of
You
Who spoke me into
motion
Where have I even
stood
But the shore
along Your ocean
Are You fire, are
You fury
Are You sacred,
are You beautiful
What do I know,
what do I know of Holy
Just letting the
thoughts in my head appear on the screen puts this all into perspective. How
dare I doubt Him?! The disciples were in the boat with Him, and they saw the
storm and they panicked! I think of Jesus, sleeping through the turmoil,
knowing that everything was okay… He said “Oh you of little faith!”
I don’t want to
be a follower with little faith anymore. I want to know God’s promises, and I
want to live oblivious to the storm, eyes fixed on Him.
<3 Emma
