4.7.12

1:07 AM

Okay so I spent my afternoon baking cupcakes. . . 

Celebration cupcakes for my last shifts at work. . .

I don't feel like celebrating at all right now. 

I feel completely terrified. Stepping out in faith is 

absolutely terrifying... I quit my job believing God has something better, 

something more for me to do. . . And now as I've stepped off a ledge I am 

just praying and praying that my foot will land on solid ground and

everything will be okay. 

SO the things I do know. . . 

I am His child. I am chosen, I am redeemed, I am called out for a purpose, 

and my life is hidden in His. 

I am completely confident in Him, in His strength, and in His promises for my life.

His plans for me are for good, to prosper me and to bless me.

No matter how many applications I send out, how many interviews I go to, none of those things matter, 

He has my job lined up for me already. I know this. He is so GOOD. 

So I'm celebrating a God who is good, who knows best, and who has my destiny in the palm of His hand. 

Praise You Jesus!! 

4.3.12

1:49 PM

its finally lunchtime. i feel like as always my life is just going passing me 

by and even though i'm living it, i'm also some how missing it. . .

so today i'm not going to eat while driving somewhere, i'm going to sit 

and just take a minute. 

so i quit my job. almost an entire year of serving at OG and i put in my two weeks. 

i felt so GOOD about it when i did it because i believed

 that Heaven was behind my decision. 

the workplace anxiety was coming home with me day after day

my house was always a constant disaster and i felt trapped in a way. 

so i just said, "God I KNOW you have GOOD things for me. . . ." and 

i quit without a back up plan. 

but then again, who needs a back up plan when your first plan is to trust in God? 

but here's whats fresh in my mind and heart at this very moment  - 

transparency of heart and life

trans·par·ent

\tran(t)s-ˈper-ənt\

a (1) : having the property of transmitting light without appreciable scattering so that bodies lying beyond are seen clearly : pellucid (2) : allowing the passage of a specified form of radiation (as X-rays or ultraviolet light)b : fine or sheer enough to be seen through : diaphanous a : free from pretense or deceit : frank b : easily detected or seen through : obvious

c : readily understood

i don't have a whole lot on the thought in my brain right now. its just because

the concept of transparency suggests that either you have nothing to hide or

that you just don't care if your hidden things come to light. . .

neither of those apply to me. 

i like to keep my darkness in the dark and my light out in the light

but in doing that i put up curtains and blinds on the windows of not only my life,

but my soul. i continue to have areas, rooms in my heart, where i keep the 

curtains closed and keep the Light out... 

i'm leaving this an incomplete thought today because i need some time to consider 

what it is a transparent life looks like. 

3.21.12

I trust You and I believe You. I trust that you are the Creator of my life, that You are the author of my faith, that You are who You say You are, and I am who You say I am. I trust that Your love for me is unconditional, that Your mercy is endless, and that Your promises towards me are true. I believe that when You speak it will be done. I believe that Your ways are not our ways, and that I can not trust my own heart, but follow after Yours. I believe that You have gone before me, but are also ever present in my life. I am confident that You are my portion, that nothing else in the world compares to the riches You have in glory for those who love You. I believe that Your provide for those who place their trust in You, that You honor those who honor You. I believe that You are Just, that you look at the broken state of humanity and Your heart aches to restore it. I know these things. You are Goodness, You are Love, You are Peace, You are Hope. You are Everything. I believe that without You there is no meaning, because You are the Creator of destinies. I believe that You never leave us or forsake us, but that we build walls in between us. We place sin and disobedience in between God and ourselves, and we refuse to believe that You are willing to continue loving, no matter what. We create distance where there is none. You have said that there is nowhere we can escape from Your presence, not the heights of heaven, or the depths of hell. Wherever we go, You are also there. You are patient when we are stubborn, You are willing to wait until we realize that true freedom comes in complete submission. You created freewill so that the hearts of men could choose to love You. You have given us a choice of who we will serve, but have told us that when we serve You, we will have a yoke that is easy and a burden that is Light. You provide Living Water for the thirsty, Peace like a River for the restless, You are the Bread of Life to the hungry, You are Renewed Strength to the weary, You are Healing to the broken, You are Deliverance for the captive, You are Love to the least of these.

You are Jesus. I trust You and I believe You.