let the Light shine in [6.19.12]

on my heart<3 

today i'm praying

that you'd come just as you are

that you'd open your Eyes to Love

understand that it's not about the past

it's about this moment

it's about opening your heart just a little crack

and letting the Light shine in

if you could light up your own life, 

if you could clean up your own heart

why would we be in desperate need?!

don't try to clean house, turn the lights on,

sweep things under the rug

before you cry out

don't try and make things

presentable before you let Jesus

into your life

don't wait till later when you

are more ready

because you'll never be more ready

than right now, right this moment

He doesn't say

"change your behavior, 

i'll check back later"

He just wants you

just open the window

to the Sun light this morning

it's just that first step

and before you know it

you'll wake up in a 

whole new world

<3

letter to the world

Dear Everyone,

Everyone really feels the same way. Everyone is searching for a familiar face, a place to call home, and a group to belong.  We all are desperate for a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and arms to hold us. You’re not the only one who wants to feel significant, like the world can’t do without the light emanating from your life. Yes, you are ten feet tall, and you can do anything you want! We all want to be the center of someone’s world, to know that we are gravity to another human being. . . Yes, it is all about meaning. We want to feel like someone would pay up on a billion dollar ransom for us, that someone would travel the world over in search of us, that someone would give up their life in our place. It’s true. We all need to believe that we are not small… that we are not just a tiny speck of a person in a population to vast to count. None of us want to feel like a number or a stereotype. We want to feel like our value is immeasurable and unparalleled. We all want to be fought for, to be pursued…. We all want to matter. In our human minds truly the most miserable place we can find ourselves is alone. That feeling of isolation is the coldest feeling a soul can experience. The feeling that if you were to fade out and disappear that no one would know the difference, that none of your words and thoughts would be missed… that the glass of someone else’s life wouldn’t feel less full if you were

 gone. . .  that feeling is unbearable. You know what I mean, don’t you?

You can’t deny these things… Yet you participate in making others around you feel alone. You don’t look past your own search for significance to realize that you have isolated another needy soul. In your own pursuit of purpose you have forgotten that to be significant you have to mean something to others. And to mean something to others you have to define yourself to them. What is your definition?

Just don't forget to remember how things really  are, and what really matters. If we can't be good to the people God has placed in our path, than who will be? 

Love, 

Everyone 

4.3.12

1:49 PM

its finally lunchtime. i feel like as always my life is just going passing me 

by and even though i'm living it, i'm also some how missing it. . .

so today i'm not going to eat while driving somewhere, i'm going to sit 

and just take a minute. 

so i quit my job. almost an entire year of serving at OG and i put in my two weeks. 

i felt so GOOD about it when i did it because i believed

 that Heaven was behind my decision. 

the workplace anxiety was coming home with me day after day

my house was always a constant disaster and i felt trapped in a way. 

so i just said, "God I KNOW you have GOOD things for me. . . ." and 

i quit without a back up plan. 

but then again, who needs a back up plan when your first plan is to trust in God? 

but here's whats fresh in my mind and heart at this very moment  - 

transparency of heart and life

trans·par·ent

\tran(t)s-ˈper-ənt\

a (1) : having the property of transmitting light without appreciable scattering so that bodies lying beyond are seen clearly : pellucid (2) : allowing the passage of a specified form of radiation (as X-rays or ultraviolet light)b : fine or sheer enough to be seen through : diaphanous a : free from pretense or deceit : frank b : easily detected or seen through : obvious

c : readily understood

i don't have a whole lot on the thought in my brain right now. its just because

the concept of transparency suggests that either you have nothing to hide or

that you just don't care if your hidden things come to light. . .

neither of those apply to me. 

i like to keep my darkness in the dark and my light out in the light

but in doing that i put up curtains and blinds on the windows of not only my life,

but my soul. i continue to have areas, rooms in my heart, where i keep the 

curtains closed and keep the Light out... 

i'm leaving this an incomplete thought today because i need some time to consider 

what it is a transparent life looks like.