7.11.12 [constant]

Sometimes God can use the simplest things to melt our hearts, to turn our eyes back to Him. This morning I'm taken back to a place I haven't been in such a long time. One Thing Remains by Jesus Culture is filling my room right now, and my soul is reassured. 

Your Love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me. 

I am so thankful that these words are true. That You are the one constant through the trial and the change. 

My world has been in the middle of quite a lot of both as of late and this morning I am reminded that You are still here. That the silence I've been experiencing  is simply for lack of listening... 

When the disciples were in the boat with Him, experiencing the storm of their lives, they became terrified and full of doubt. They woke Jesus frantically, wondering how He could sleep through the complete turmoil they were fighting against. He was so calm, stood and said, "Peace Be Still" and the winds and waves stopped, they simply quit... 

This morning I put myself in the place of the disciples and I remember that even in this storm, He is still present here. 

I am not alone. There is NO way that this storm will get the best of me. I am so confident in this, because my confidence is in One who never fails. 

<3 

(just because i think this art is a tiny bit of brilliance) 

let it go. . .

For every magnificent high there seemed to be just as many crushing lows... That delicate balance of victory and defeat shifted and things just began to stop. You knew it just as well as me, the moment when things began to slip away. To give and give, and never be enough. To take and take, and never be satisfied… So much taking and giving, and so little loving… but wasn’t it all in the name of love? But love can conquer all, isn’t that what we’re told? Love can endure all things, but maybe some things weren’t built to endure love… But you have begun to recognize that this love has robbed you of your life… that you are cold and alone, hungry and afraid, tired and defeated… As you look into their eyes on the other side of the bed you understand that the only thing you hold in common is that… you are both reaching for extra blankets, in the middle of summer. When did it happen? Trace it back across the timelines of your mind- maybe you can discover when the heat began to cool… Sometimes the truest measure of love is not about how much you can give, but about what you are willing to give up. Sometimes leaving, rather than staying is the answer that no one wants to give. Sometimes we get it all wrong in love, and maybe someday we’ll get to do it right. 

let the Light shine in [6.19.12]

on my heart<3 

today i'm praying

that you'd come just as you are

that you'd open your Eyes to Love

understand that it's not about the past

it's about this moment

it's about opening your heart just a little crack

and letting the Light shine in

if you could light up your own life, 

if you could clean up your own heart

why would we be in desperate need?!

don't try to clean house, turn the lights on,

sweep things under the rug

before you cry out

don't try and make things

presentable before you let Jesus

into your life

don't wait till later when you

are more ready

because you'll never be more ready

than right now, right this moment

He doesn't say

"change your behavior, 

i'll check back later"

He just wants you

just open the window

to the Sun light this morning

it's just that first step

and before you know it

you'll wake up in a 

whole new world

<3

everyday is beautiful

5.11.12

just some glimpses into my day

it's amazing how many

beautiful things are around us 

if we only open our eyes 

<3 

5.6.12 [memories of happiness]

This is the time of evening I find this extreme satisfaction come over me. Sitting on my “vintage” couch in my tiny little apartment, in my own little piece of the world… Listening to Mary J. Blige radio on Pandora… dishes washed… the smell of dinner still in the air… I’m noticing that my entire house is my closet and laundry basket all in one… how does a bra end up on the kitchen table?! Random lists scattered with mail all over my rug, books under my couch cushions… I read a quote recently that said:

“Creative minds are rarely tidy”

and I just accepted it as truth and stopped freaking out as much about my inability to keep up with myself…

I have been lost in memories lately.

But not the ones filled with regret. Not the heavy ones that I’ve laid to rest.

Just the beautiful ones…

Memories of …

Rollerblading hockey games in the neighborhood

Of football in bicycle helmets

Of chapter books read by flashlight in the middle of the night

Uncoordinated plays and lost basketball games, all for my Dad

Reading Southern Living and the Journal obituaries out loud for Nana

Of family produced Christmas plays, I stared as sheep, innkeeper, wise man shepherd

Hours spent with my composition notebooks and my Bible

Missionary biographies, the heroes of my Childhood: Amy Carmichael, Hudson Taylor and Gladys Aylward

Long piano lessons, metronome days and my own worship time… me and the keys…

Unbraiding hair for hours, tucked into the clouds of the Blue Mountains of Jamaica

Feeling the presence of a Living God at the Garden Tomb in Jerusalem

Opening my soul’s secrets that night in Budapest, Hungary to a room full of compassionate women

Hours of walking and talking with my sister in the Yuma heat, finally feeling understood

Waiting and waiting in a hotel in D.C. for my brother to compete in Nashville Star

That shocking moment in Art class to hear my brother’s name called immediately after mine on the roll

Walking out of work to see my little brother’s truck waiting to take me to my dorm

Following my Dad around Glasgow, WV listening to the narrated tour of his childhood

Being held on midnight having Happy Birthday sang into my ear as we danced around your kitchen

Pie baking lessons with my Mother

Measurements and sewing with my grandma, most original (and conservative) prom dress

Hours of walking in the hot sun, carrying gospel tracts, encountering complete strangers

Elation as I was crowned homecoming queen

Hot bran muffins and cream of wheat with brown sugar before school

Museum visits rather than vacations… Coal mine tour, Blennerhasset Island, Monticello, Mt. Vernon, Smithsonian, Liberty Bell, Betsy Ross, Gettysburg. . .

Countless hours in the Library, book charts and “book-it” pizzas

Waking to see you fell asleep with ESPN on, again

Being careful not to scrape my spoon on my yogurt cup… Oh Leah, how I love you, my sister and my soul mate

Witnessing the best friend I’ve ever had accept Christ into her heart

Holding my Nana’s hand that night while my brother sang Amazing Grace while she slipped into eternity

Tuesday night free dinners cooked by true Saints in God’s Kingdom

Late night conversations with the residents of Gardiner, those students changed my life

Coffee dates and dog walks with Annette

Intervention nights with my best girls, so many tears, so much love

Seeing my sister, brother-in-law and niece waiting to meet me at the Airport in San Diego

I can’t keep writing. I could but I’m crying more than I’d like to admit.

I’m so blessed. I have experienced such beauty.

I have lived in a way that would seem like my life has been filled with pain and I realize that the painful times don’t outweigh the rest…

I’ve wondered for weeks why it is that I’ve been clinging to the quiet, spending time alone, lost in my thoughts…

But I think this is why – I needed to somehow sort it out, sift thru the memories, relive the good and the bad and decide that from now on the history of my life is defined by the high moments, and not the low ones. The scars that the tragedies have left only add character, and my life is one of color, not of darkness. The beautiful thing about freewill is that in a way, we hold the pen to the blank pages of our books, we get to keep writing, even after we totally ruined the last chapter.

So I’ll keep writing. I’ll keep living. I’ll keep believing in goodness. I’ll keep believing in justice, in equality, in hope for humanity. I’ll keep standing for the things I’ve believed since I was young, I’ll keep dreaming the dreams I once dreamt.

I’ll keep believing in the one who called my heart, yes, Jesus.

His presence comforts me and delivers me, strengthens me and reminds me that I am Beautiful.

<3 Emma 

(4.17.12) Jesus, Washer of my feet?

I had the great privilege of attending a bible study these evening in the home of someone I consider to be a mentor in my life. Lynne is a beautiful woman who lives her life in complete faith, who truly loves her Lord... I am blessed beyond to have her influence in my life.

The study sheet today was entitled "Dirty Jobs, Clean Hands, Pure Hearts"

and the text was John 13:1-17

Rather than copy the entire text, I will paraphrase the passage. 

It's the last supper. Jesus has just barely 24 hours left to spend with His disciples. It is incredible to me that this in His last hours he chose to comfort, rather than give into fear and try to find comfort in them. They are about to partake in their last meal, and Jesus sees that everyone is coming to the table with dirty feet. What does He do? Well of course we know that He simply finds a towel and water and gets on His knees before the disciples to wash their feet. So he is washing feet, no big deal, and then He gets to Peter. 

Peter is emphatic... "You will NEVER wash my feet" 

Jesus tells him, "Unless I wash your feet, you will never have a part of Me"

Peter, being the enthusiastic man that we know him to be says, 

"Wash my whole body then!" 

Jesus reminds him, "the rest of your body is already clean!! only your feet are dirty!" 

(Jesus also mentions in here that their bodies were clean, although not everyone was clean that was present--- total Judas reference because He knew that He had already been betrayed) 

And then of course He explains the significance of what had happened for the benefit of the "slower disciples" :) 

“Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. ¹³ “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. ¹⁴ Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. ¹⁵ I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. ¹⁶ Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. ¹⁷ Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

I love it. 

It's like I had forgotten about this incredible passage and message until tonight. There are so many things I took from it that I am just going to list them.

1) The Lord and Savior washed the disciples feet. The Creator of the universe got down on His knees before the absolute "least of these" How amazing! How humiliating for Him, but He did it so willingly because of His great love!

2) Peter felt intense shame at the thought of his filthy feet being exposed to Jesus. I identified with this so much! Of course Jesus knew how dirty his feet were! Everyone's feet were dirty! But because Peter UNDERSTOOD the Holiness of Jesus He was ashamed to just put his nasty feet out in His presence. 

3) When Peter understood that the washing of the feet was necessary he told Jesus, "wash my whole body then!" Tonight I understood the significance of the foot washing like I never have before... Jesus told him no, that it was unnecessary to rewash an already clean body. . . That only the feet need to be taken care of. 

I grew up under the impression that salvation was conditional, that we had to re-secure our salvation when we sinned. How liberating to really know that we don't have to go through multiple washings once He has cleansed our soul.... Instead we just have to allow Him to cleanse the areas that we dirty along our journey. 

We are all going to get our feet dirty, and He knows that! He just needs us to be willing to have our feet washed. How beautiful! 

4) Jesus washed Judas' feet. I just think this is a testimony to the great Love of Christ. He was able to without malice wash the feet of the man who had walked with Him, and then turned on Him. It reminds me that He loves every soul equally and seeks to save and redeem ALL that are lost. He still holds love in His heart even for those souls that never chose eternal life. 

5) If Jesus could wash the feet of His disciples, how much more can we do to serve and love all those that are in our lives. It reminds me that there is truly no task that I am "above" and that there is no one that I am allowed to over look. 

6) We say that we wouldn't let the Lord wash our feet! Oh no! I couldn't let Jesus do that! But the truth is, we are always in desperate need of a foot washing! I know for me personally at times it is humiliating to have to come to Him asking Him to clean me up again. I have to remove my shoes and show Him where my feet have been. I am so glad that He has forgiveness for us... over and over and over... He is good 

Will I let Him wash my feet?

Yes. 

Even if I feel like I have the dirtiest, most calloused, driest feet in the world... I have to say yes.

I have to allow Him access to the parts of me that are dirty, that are damaged, that need repair. I have to let go of my pride and admit I can't clean myself up, and I have to let Him get in my life and do His work. Even when I'm ashamed of myself, I have to say yes. 

<3

4.7.12

1:07 AM

Okay so I spent my afternoon baking cupcakes. . . 

Celebration cupcakes for my last shifts at work. . .

I don't feel like celebrating at all right now. 

I feel completely terrified. Stepping out in faith is 

absolutely terrifying... I quit my job believing God has something better, 

something more for me to do. . . And now as I've stepped off a ledge I am 

just praying and praying that my foot will land on solid ground and

everything will be okay. 

SO the things I do know. . . 

I am His child. I am chosen, I am redeemed, I am called out for a purpose, 

and my life is hidden in His. 

I am completely confident in Him, in His strength, and in His promises for my life.

His plans for me are for good, to prosper me and to bless me.

No matter how many applications I send out, how many interviews I go to, none of those things matter, 

He has my job lined up for me already. I know this. He is so GOOD. 

So I'm celebrating a God who is good, who knows best, and who has my destiny in the palm of His hand. 

Praise You Jesus!! 

3.29.12

               

"the fact is, i feel that life is beautiful, even when it's really ugly

i see art in ruins and i see healing when i see pain

i see potential in every human soul

we are all capable of evil

but we are also

capable of

love"