Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

Monday, June 11, 2012

6.11.12 [ back to the cross ]


Sometimes you just have to go back to the start, back to the beginning of things. . .

Last week was just a really tough week for me. Without going into detail, I will say this- everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. Beyond losing my job and breaking my lease, on a very personal level my failures, my flaws, my secrets, my lies... they all came to light. I was faced with something very ugly, and that ugliness overwhelmed me, embarrassed me and sent me scrambling for answers. 

I had the opportunity to go to an "Encounter" this weekend. I went because one of my girlfriends asked me to. . . And literally within the first 15 minutes I was angry I was there. All of the ladies in my group had been saved less than two months. What was I doing here?! I've known Jesus since I was 4 years old! I immediately tensed up, closed up and just felt anger all over again. 

I don't need this! I already understand salvation, I need actual, real help!

This weekend I went back to the cross of Jesus. Like it was the first time. Like I'd never understood it before. I left all of my knowledge, all of my religion, all of my pride at the feet of Jesus and I experienced the Cross in a brand new way. 
I realized that I rarely think of the cross anymore. 

But the Cross of Christ is the center of everything I am, everything I believe. 
Without the cross, there would have been no forgiveness. Without the cross, 
we wouldn't understand love, because the cross is the ultimate definition of love. 

In my life I have accepted what Jesus did on the cross as the first step to living a Christian life. You go to the cross, you accept Him, you believe, your sins are washed, and you begin your journey following after Him. 

I realize that I leave the cross in the distance. I push forward and it's silhouette get's smaller and smaller on the horizon. 
This is where I've been wrong! This is why nothing has been working!

In order to truly walk with Christ we have to keep the cross of Christ in our sights. 

We don't do this to be reminded of our already forgiven sins, to remember how "sinful our past was", to keep us humble, to feel sorry. . . 

We need the Cross because we need to Blood of Jesus. We need to remember that EVERYTHING we need in our lives He paid for on the cross. Everything we need He took care of as He was beaten, as He was tortured. 
No, we don't need to feel sorry that Jesus went through these things- we need to feel grateful. He did it for us out of LOVE. It was His choice. Don't look at the cross and feel guilty- feel empowered! 

His Love for ME was so great that He endured the cross so that my sins might be forgiven. He endured the cross to silence the accusations of my enemy. We don't just accept what He did and keep moving. We depend on it! We know that it is power for our lives! 

Humanity was on a miserable path until the cross came, and changed the world. God is a God of Holiness, sin can't come anywhere near His presence. For years mankind offered sacrifices and followed rituals in order to be forgiven for their sins... But every sin required another sacrifice, and we kept on sinning! God's nature is so against sin that previous to Jesus there were laws that allowed sinners to be stoned for their transgressions! God reached out His hand from heaven on occasions and took the life of people who were in rebellion. Sin was no small matter. As time went by the gap between creation and Creator grew wider and wider. God loved the world so deeply, but the world was entrapped in sin. 
He had only one choice left, and that was to send Jesus, once and for all. 

God knew that only Jesus could break the curse of sin that was holding the world captive. The curse of sin is death and destruction. It is working and working and never receiving the fruit of your labor. The curse had enslaved the world and left everyone without hope. 

Jesus Christ came and changed things. Because He was blameless, He was able to take on all the sins of the world. When we go to the cross He transfers all of His goodness on us, and we transfer all of our sins to Him. It is this exchange that saves us. 
He conquered death and returned to the right hand of the Father. God still cannot look at sin, but now Jesus intervenes and intercedes for us. We go to Jesus and he pleads our case before the Father. He silences our accuser- He has cancelled our sin! 

The blood of Jesus allows us to stand boldly, confidently and securely in the presence of God!! But there is still more! 

When the Israelites were being held captive in Egypt God appointed Moses to go in and deliver them. There were a series of plagues sent upon the Egyptian and the final one was when God told Moses that He was going to send the angel of death over the land, and every first born son would die... God instructed that each of the Hebrew families were to kill a sheep as a sacrifice, and then take the blood and apply it over the door of their home. When the angel saw the blood over the home, it had to pass on by- there had already been a death here... 

This is a picture, hundreds of years before Jesus came, that shows us how His sacrifice works for us. When the Enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy... to take that which is ours, to tell us that we are nothing, that our new life is a lie, that we have no right to claim the inheritance of Christ... We, through the power of Jesus' sacrifice, have the ability to remember what Jesus did and declare that through Jesus sacrifice and His blood that the curse of sin is broken, that we are not held captive, that everything He says about us is true and that we won't believe another minute the lies of the enemy! 

This is why. . . This is why we have to stay close to the cross. Because the cross bridges the gap between us and the Father. Because the cross represents the Love of Christ for us. Because the Cross represents a broken curse and a powerless adversary. The Cross is power to live this life in God's perfect fullness!! 

<3 

Sunday, May 6, 2012

5.6.12 [memories of happiness]


This is the time of evening I find this extreme satisfaction come over me. Sitting on my “vintage” couch in my tiny little apartment, in my own little piece of the world… Listening to Mary J. Blige radio on Pandora… dishes washed… the smell of dinner still in the air… I’m noticing that my entire house is my closet and laundry basket all in one… how does a bra end up on the kitchen table?! Random lists scattered with mail all over my rug, books under my couch cushions… I read a quote recently that said:
“Creative minds are rarely tidy”
and I just accepted it as truth and stopped freaking out as much about my inability to keep up with myself…
I have been lost in memories lately.
But not the ones filled with regret. Not the heavy ones that I’ve laid to rest.
Just the beautiful ones…

Memories of …
Rollerblading hockey games in the neighborhood
Of football in bicycle helmets
Of chapter books read by flashlight in the middle of the night
Uncoordinated plays and lost basketball games, all for my Dad
Reading Southern Living and the Journal obituaries out loud for Nana
Of family produced Christmas plays, I stared as sheep, innkeeper, wise man shepherd
Hours spent with my composition notebooks and my Bible
Missionary biographies, the heroes of my Childhood: Amy Carmichael, Hudson Taylor and Gladys Aylward
Long piano lessons, metronome days and my own worship time… me and the keys…
Unbraiding hair for hours, tucked into the clouds of the Blue Mountains of Jamaica
Feeling the presence of a Living God at the Garden Tomb in Jerusalem
Opening my soul’s secrets that night in Budapest, Hungary to a room full of compassionate women
Hours of walking and talking with my sister in the Yuma heat, finally feeling understood
Waiting and waiting in a hotel in D.C. for my brother to compete in Nashville Star
That shocking moment in Art class to hear my brother’s name called immediately after mine on the roll
Walking out of work to see my little brother’s truck waiting to take me to my dorm
Following my Dad around Glasgow, WV listening to the narrated tour of his childhood
Being held on midnight having Happy Birthday sang into my ear as we danced around your kitchen
Pie baking lessons with my Mother
Measurements and sewing with my grandma, most original (and conservative) prom dress
Hours of walking in the hot sun, carrying gospel tracts, encountering complete strangers
Elation as I was crowned homecoming queen
Hot bran muffins and cream of wheat with brown sugar before school
Museum visits rather than vacations… Coal mine tour, Blennerhasset Island, Monticello, Mt. Vernon, Smithsonian, Liberty Bell, Betsy Ross, Gettysburg. . .
Countless hours in the Library, book charts and “book-it” pizzas
Waking to see you fell asleep with ESPN on, again
Being careful not to scrape my spoon on my yogurt cup… Oh Leah, how I love you, my sister and my soul mate
Witnessing the best friend I’ve ever had accept Christ into her heart
Holding my Nana’s hand that night while my brother sang Amazing Grace while she slipped into eternity
Tuesday night free dinners cooked by true Saints in God’s Kingdom
Late night conversations with the residents of Gardiner, those students changed my life
Coffee dates and dog walks with Annette
Intervention nights with my best girls, so many tears, so much love
Seeing my sister, brother-in-law and niece waiting to meet me at the Airport in San Diego

I can’t keep writing. I could but I’m crying more than I’d like to admit.
I’m so blessed. I have experienced such beauty.
I have lived in a way that would seem like my life has been filled with pain and I realize that the painful times don’t outweigh the rest…
I’ve wondered for weeks why it is that I’ve been clinging to the quiet, spending time alone, lost in my thoughts…

But I think this is why – I needed to somehow sort it out, sift thru the memories, relive the good and the bad and decide that from now on the history of my life is defined by the high moments, and not the low ones. The scars that the tragedies have left only add character, and my life is one of color, not of darkness. The beautiful thing about freewill is that in a way, we hold the pen to the blank pages of our books, we get to keep writing, even after we totally ruined the last chapter.

So I’ll keep writing. I’ll keep living. I’ll keep believing in goodness. I’ll keep believing in justice, in equality, in hope for humanity. I’ll keep standing for the things I’ve believed since I was young, I’ll keep dreaming the dreams I once dreamt.
I’ll keep believing in the one who called my heart, yes, Jesus.

His presence comforts me and delivers me, strengthens me and reminds me that I am Beautiful.

<3 Emma