7.11.12 [constant]

Sometimes God can use the simplest things to melt our hearts, to turn our eyes back to Him. This morning I'm taken back to a place I haven't been in such a long time. One Thing Remains by Jesus Culture is filling my room right now, and my soul is reassured. 

Your Love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me. 

I am so thankful that these words are true. That You are the one constant through the trial and the change. 

My world has been in the middle of quite a lot of both as of late and this morning I am reminded that You are still here. That the silence I've been experiencing  is simply for lack of listening... 

When the disciples were in the boat with Him, experiencing the storm of their lives, they became terrified and full of doubt. They woke Jesus frantically, wondering how He could sleep through the complete turmoil they were fighting against. He was so calm, stood and said, "Peace Be Still" and the winds and waves stopped, they simply quit... 

This morning I put myself in the place of the disciples and I remember that even in this storm, He is still present here. 

I am not alone. There is NO way that this storm will get the best of me. I am so confident in this, because my confidence is in One who never fails. 

<3 

(just because i think this art is a tiny bit of brilliance) 

let the Light shine in [6.19.12]

on my heart<3 

today i'm praying

that you'd come just as you are

that you'd open your Eyes to Love

understand that it's not about the past

it's about this moment

it's about opening your heart just a little crack

and letting the Light shine in

if you could light up your own life, 

if you could clean up your own heart

why would we be in desperate need?!

don't try to clean house, turn the lights on,

sweep things under the rug

before you cry out

don't try and make things

presentable before you let Jesus

into your life

don't wait till later when you

are more ready

because you'll never be more ready

than right now, right this moment

He doesn't say

"change your behavior, 

i'll check back later"

He just wants you

just open the window

to the Sun light this morning

it's just that first step

and before you know it

you'll wake up in a 

whole new world

<3

6.11.12 [ back to the cross ]

Sometimes you just have to go back to the start, back to the beginning of things. . .

Last week was just a really tough week for me. Without going into detail, I will say this- everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. Beyond losing my job and breaking my lease, on a very personal level my failures, my flaws, my secrets, my lies... they all came to light. I was faced with something very ugly, and that ugliness overwhelmed me, embarrassed me and sent me scrambling for answers. 

I had the opportunity to go to an "Encounter" this weekend. I went because one of my girlfriends asked me to. . . And literally within the first 15 minutes I was angry I was there. All of the ladies in my group had been saved less than two months. What was I doing here?! I've known Jesus since I was 4 years old! I immediately tensed up, closed up and just felt anger all over again. 

I don't need this! I already understand salvation, I need actual, real help!

This weekend I went back to the cross of Jesus. Like it was the first time. Like I'd never understood it before. I left all of my knowledge, all of my religion, all of my pride at the feet of Jesus and I experienced the Cross in a brand new way. 

I realized that I rarely think of the cross anymore. 

But the Cross of Christ is the center of everything I am, everything I believe. 

Without the cross, there would have been no forgiveness. Without the cross, 

we wouldn't understand love, because the cross is the ultimate definition of love. 

In my life I have accepted what Jesus did on the cross as the first step to living a Christian life. You go to the cross, you accept Him, you believe, your sins are washed, and you begin your journey following after Him. 

I realize that I leave the cross in the distance. I push forward and it's silhouette get's smaller and smaller on the horizon. 

This is where I've been wrong! This is why nothing has been working!

In order to truly walk with Christ we have to keep the cross of Christ in our sights. 

We don't do this to be reminded of our already forgiven sins, to remember how "sinful our past was", to keep us humble, to feel sorry. . . 

We need the Cross because we need to Blood of Jesus. We need to remember that EVERYTHING we need in our lives He paid for on the cross. Everything we need He took care of as He was beaten, as He was tortured. 

No, we don't need to feel sorry that Jesus went through these things- we need to feel grateful. He did it for us out of LOVE. It was His choice. Don't look at the cross and feel guilty- feel empowered! 

His Love for ME was so great that He endured the cross so that my sins might be forgiven. He endured the cross to silence the accusations of my enemy. We don't just accept what He did and keep moving. We depend on it! We know that it is power for our lives! 

Humanity was on a miserable path until the cross came, and changed the world. God is a God of Holiness, sin can't come anywhere near His presence. For years mankind offered sacrifices and followed rituals in order to be forgiven for their sins... But every sin required another sacrifice, and we kept on sinning! God's nature is so against sin that previous to Jesus there were laws that allowed sinners to be stoned for their transgressions! God reached out His hand from heaven on occasions and took the life of people who were in rebellion. Sin was no small matter. As time went by the gap between creation and Creator grew wider and wider. God loved the world so deeply, but the world was entrapped in sin. 

He had only one choice left, and that was to send Jesus, once and for all. 

God knew that only Jesus could break the curse of sin that was holding the world captive. The curse of sin is death and destruction. It is working and working and never receiving the fruit of your labor. The curse had enslaved the world and left everyone without hope. 

Jesus Christ came and changed things. Because He was blameless, He was able to take on all the sins of the world. When we go to the cross He transfers all of His goodness on us, and we transfer all of our sins to Him. It is this exchange that saves us. 

He conquered death and returned to the right hand of the Father. God still cannot look at sin, but now Jesus intervenes and intercedes for us. We go to Jesus and he pleads our case before the Father. He silences our accuser- He has cancelled our sin! 

The blood of Jesus allows us to stand boldly, confidently and securely in the presence of God!! But there is still more! 

When the Israelites were being held captive in Egypt God appointed Moses to go in and deliver them. There were a series of plagues sent upon the Egyptian and the final one was when God told Moses that He was going to send the angel of death over the land, and every first born son would die... God instructed that each of the Hebrew families were to kill a sheep as a sacrifice, and then take the blood and apply it over the door of their home. When the angel saw the blood over the home, it had to pass on by- there had already been a death here... 

This is a picture, hundreds of years before Jesus came, that shows us how His sacrifice works for us. When the Enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy... to take that which is ours, to tell us that we are nothing, that our new life is a lie, that we have no right to claim the inheritance of Christ... We, through the power of Jesus' sacrifice, have the ability to remember what Jesus did and declare that through Jesus sacrifice and His blood that the curse of sin is broken, that we are not held captive, that everything He says about us is true and that we won't believe another minute the lies of the enemy! 

This is why. . . This is why we have to stay close to the cross. Because the cross bridges the gap between us and the Father. Because the cross represents the Love of Christ for us. Because the Cross represents a broken curse and a powerless adversary. The Cross is power to live this life in God's perfect fullness!! 

<3 

(4.17.12) Jesus, Washer of my feet?

I had the great privilege of attending a bible study these evening in the home of someone I consider to be a mentor in my life. Lynne is a beautiful woman who lives her life in complete faith, who truly loves her Lord... I am blessed beyond to have her influence in my life.

The study sheet today was entitled "Dirty Jobs, Clean Hands, Pure Hearts"

and the text was John 13:1-17

Rather than copy the entire text, I will paraphrase the passage. 

It's the last supper. Jesus has just barely 24 hours left to spend with His disciples. It is incredible to me that this in His last hours he chose to comfort, rather than give into fear and try to find comfort in them. They are about to partake in their last meal, and Jesus sees that everyone is coming to the table with dirty feet. What does He do? Well of course we know that He simply finds a towel and water and gets on His knees before the disciples to wash their feet. So he is washing feet, no big deal, and then He gets to Peter. 

Peter is emphatic... "You will NEVER wash my feet" 

Jesus tells him, "Unless I wash your feet, you will never have a part of Me"

Peter, being the enthusiastic man that we know him to be says, 

"Wash my whole body then!" 

Jesus reminds him, "the rest of your body is already clean!! only your feet are dirty!" 

(Jesus also mentions in here that their bodies were clean, although not everyone was clean that was present--- total Judas reference because He knew that He had already been betrayed) 

And then of course He explains the significance of what had happened for the benefit of the "slower disciples" :) 

“Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. ¹³ “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. ¹⁴ Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. ¹⁵ I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. ¹⁶ Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. ¹⁷ Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

I love it. 

It's like I had forgotten about this incredible passage and message until tonight. There are so many things I took from it that I am just going to list them.

1) The Lord and Savior washed the disciples feet. The Creator of the universe got down on His knees before the absolute "least of these" How amazing! How humiliating for Him, but He did it so willingly because of His great love!

2) Peter felt intense shame at the thought of his filthy feet being exposed to Jesus. I identified with this so much! Of course Jesus knew how dirty his feet were! Everyone's feet were dirty! But because Peter UNDERSTOOD the Holiness of Jesus He was ashamed to just put his nasty feet out in His presence. 

3) When Peter understood that the washing of the feet was necessary he told Jesus, "wash my whole body then!" Tonight I understood the significance of the foot washing like I never have before... Jesus told him no, that it was unnecessary to rewash an already clean body. . . That only the feet need to be taken care of. 

I grew up under the impression that salvation was conditional, that we had to re-secure our salvation when we sinned. How liberating to really know that we don't have to go through multiple washings once He has cleansed our soul.... Instead we just have to allow Him to cleanse the areas that we dirty along our journey. 

We are all going to get our feet dirty, and He knows that! He just needs us to be willing to have our feet washed. How beautiful! 

4) Jesus washed Judas' feet. I just think this is a testimony to the great Love of Christ. He was able to without malice wash the feet of the man who had walked with Him, and then turned on Him. It reminds me that He loves every soul equally and seeks to save and redeem ALL that are lost. He still holds love in His heart even for those souls that never chose eternal life. 

5) If Jesus could wash the feet of His disciples, how much more can we do to serve and love all those that are in our lives. It reminds me that there is truly no task that I am "above" and that there is no one that I am allowed to over look. 

6) We say that we wouldn't let the Lord wash our feet! Oh no! I couldn't let Jesus do that! But the truth is, we are always in desperate need of a foot washing! I know for me personally at times it is humiliating to have to come to Him asking Him to clean me up again. I have to remove my shoes and show Him where my feet have been. I am so glad that He has forgiveness for us... over and over and over... He is good 

Will I let Him wash my feet?

Yes. 

Even if I feel like I have the dirtiest, most calloused, driest feet in the world... I have to say yes.

I have to allow Him access to the parts of me that are dirty, that are damaged, that need repair. I have to let go of my pride and admit I can't clean myself up, and I have to let Him get in my life and do His work. Even when I'm ashamed of myself, I have to say yes. 

<3

4.12.12 (violence in the land of sleep)

There is a difference between sleep and rest and beyond that there is a difference also between sleep and slumber. I have been in this place where I have fallen into the trap of sleep.

I’m not just talking about the excessive hours I spend sleeping, pressing snooze on my alarms, resetting my alarms for 30 more minutes, another hour… no I am talking about my life attitude.

When slumber comes over your life it is a dangerous thing. That spirit of slothful complacency is so overpowering, you hardly realize you have been overtaken. It’s like when you sleep so much you just stay in a continuous state of exhaustion.

I always remember the story of when Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane… It was the night of his arrest… The eve of the biggest event in the history of mankind, Jesus was about to give up His life for ours… Tell me what the disciples did? We all know… Jesus told them to “watch and pray” and instead every time he returned to them, he had to shake them out of their sleep! I remember some words that I was taught when I was about 14 and sitting in that very same Garden, just outside the gates of Jerusalem. The teacher said that in our humanity we often use sleep as an escape when we are on the brink of a spiritual breakthrough. We become overwhelmed and we just choose to sleep. For some reason I’ve carried that thought with me for all of these years, because I have seen them to be true. But I know that it’s true in many areas. We use sleep as an escape from life at times…

Sleep has been hovering over my life lately, holding me down and keeping me from my plans and dreams. I have felt this powerful lack of motivation being held over me. The thought that, “I’ll do it later…” has occurred to me so many times.

When is later?! A verse that comes to mind is Proverbs 24:33-34

A little sleep, a little slumber, 
a little folding of the hands to rest— and poverty will come on you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man.

This is so true, isn’t it?! I don’t have a problem with expressing publicly my struggle, because I KNOW that I am not the only one. Procrastination is the Enemy’s best tool against the Kingdom of God!

My girlfriend told me tonight, “Emma we have so much to do! We need to do it!”

She is so right. We all have a call, a commission, a purpose, and what are we doing to fulfill it? I know for me, I am sitting on the edge, on the precipice of selling out to a call I don’t yet understand, and instead of just pushing through… I sleep.

I just had a little flashback of a journal I used to write in. The cover had this verse written across it –

Awake, you who sleep
- Arise from the dead,
And Christ will give you light. See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time.

(Ephesians 5:14-16)

I think this reminds me that I have been here before, in the land of slumber.

He is calling me, so specifically, to wake up and make up for lost time.

On the one-year anniversary of my time here in Yuma I didn’t even have the energy to write. I felt that in my heart I knew I had accomplished much here, but at the same time I am in a place where I feel completely stagnant.

It started when I made the choice, in faith, to quit my job. I knew that that was the right thing to do, but in the process of believing for the new job, I became overwhelmed and gave in to the sleep of unbelief.

But the kingdom belongs to me! More flashbacks in my spirit of my childhood, adult bible study sit ins for so many hours have saturated my heart and spirit in the word of God.

“the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force”

Matthew 11:12

That verse puzzled me as a kid, but I understand it more than ever right now. Sure, a lot of Christianity is counterintuitive. We are called to be meek, not to fight back, not to return wrong for wrong… But meekness is not weakness. He actually commands us to put on ARMOUR. We are not required to put on a full suit of armor just to sit around and meditate on the word. We are also called into action. The only enemy we are called to fight against is the enemy of our souls, which is the devil himself. When the Kingdom, God’s Kingdom, your life, is attacked, we are called to become violent and fight for our rights!

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Ephesians 6:12

I am recognizing that I have the blood of Christ over my heart and life. I have the mark of redemption on my head, and the call of the Father on me. His Spirit is alive in me, and I am on the pathway to Heaven. Because of the Light I carry I am a threat to the Kingdom of Darkness. I will not allow darkness to come over my life another day. I will not allow the sleeplike apathy to control me another day.

The enemy comes to steal anything he can, and because he can’t have my soul, he has been stealing time from me. We are told to rebuke him, and he has to flee!

It is so incredible being on this side of the battle-- to be wearing the impenetrable  armor of  the Warrior of Heaven, to be promised victory on every count, to know that in fact, the battle is already won!

So it’s time to get up. Off the couch. Out of bed. Turn off the tv. Put down the phone. The violent… take it by force….

<3 Emma 

3.21.12

I trust You and I believe You. I trust that you are the Creator of my life, that You are the author of my faith, that You are who You say You are, and I am who You say I am. I trust that Your love for me is unconditional, that Your mercy is endless, and that Your promises towards me are true. I believe that when You speak it will be done. I believe that Your ways are not our ways, and that I can not trust my own heart, but follow after Yours. I believe that You have gone before me, but are also ever present in my life. I am confident that You are my portion, that nothing else in the world compares to the riches You have in glory for those who love You. I believe that Your provide for those who place their trust in You, that You honor those who honor You. I believe that You are Just, that you look at the broken state of humanity and Your heart aches to restore it. I know these things. You are Goodness, You are Love, You are Peace, You are Hope. You are Everything. I believe that without You there is no meaning, because You are the Creator of destinies. I believe that You never leave us or forsake us, but that we build walls in between us. We place sin and disobedience in between God and ourselves, and we refuse to believe that You are willing to continue loving, no matter what. We create distance where there is none. You have said that there is nowhere we can escape from Your presence, not the heights of heaven, or the depths of hell. Wherever we go, You are also there. You are patient when we are stubborn, You are willing to wait until we realize that true freedom comes in complete submission. You created freewill so that the hearts of men could choose to love You. You have given us a choice of who we will serve, but have told us that when we serve You, we will have a yoke that is easy and a burden that is Light. You provide Living Water for the thirsty, Peace like a River for the restless, You are the Bread of Life to the hungry, You are Renewed Strength to the weary, You are Healing to the broken, You are Deliverance for the captive, You are Love to the least of these.

You are Jesus. I trust You and I believe You.